When I first got married we hosted less than once a year. Why? Because it was stressful to try and make our tiny, cramped apartment seem welcoming and clean for guests. The amount of cleaning and prepping required to get it “presentable” was overwhelming and even then it was not a place I felt proud of, not when most of our young newlywed friends had houses and matching dishes and curtains and this list could go a while! (We eloped so we started life with my college stuff and his bachelor stuff instead of the usual registry fare.)
The next apartments were no better: small, clean, but still kind of a cluttered mish mosh that always looked a little disheveled. I told myself it would be better/easier/different to host when we get a new place/buy nicer things/ have more time to clean/etc…. this list could also go a while.
Meanwhile, despite being active in our church, involved in life groups, and friendly with many people we personally were feeling very isolated and lonely as a couple. We felt on the outside of everything and struggled to develop deeper friendships with those around us.
I didn’t connect the two issues…yet.
After yet another move to a 4th apartment in 5 years I got serious about developing relationships for our family. I decided to risk embarrasment at our little 2 bedroom with the mismatched, cluttered furniture and toys strewn about. My husband and I reasoned we could somehow host with our postage stamp size kitchen and when we couldn’t we’d order pizza! We began hosting a life group in our home, we pulled folding chairs into our living room and set out tv dinner trays to make up for our lack of dining space then we took a deep breath and opened the door. Each time the same things occured: people came, enjoyed themselves and the fellowship and left…. no one seemed to care about our apartment!
Two years later we would find ourselves blessed with our first home. This 1 bathroom, 1 story house still boasts dated wood paneling, old cheap countertops and most of the same mismatched furniture we’ve been carting around for years! But it is also a place we fill with love every single day, it’s the home I brought my daughter to from the hospital, where my son was potty trained, where my kids have their very own yard.
We open our home alot now, as often as we can actually! We love hosting meals for friends even though we don’t have a kitchen table! (My father in law is actually remedying this with another previously loved furniture addition to our home in a few weeks :D!). When I learned to stop caring what my house looked like and start focusing on the PEOPLE in it I realized that no one else cared about my house all along! They are usually to busy laughing to notice the stains on the carpet and too busy enjoying good food to care if it’s on paper plates or not.
So to the women in apartments, houses, trailers or whatever who find themselves hesitating to host that party or have those friends over because your home could never be in a pottery barn catalog… DO IT!!!
When you avoid those opportunities you are hurting your ability to grow relationships, you are missing opportunities to share life and you are robbing yourself and others of precious memories.
As I sit writing this while my kids play this is my honest to goodness view, I figured it was only fair to snap it without moving, picking anything up or…caring! So here’s it is in all it’s messy glory, complete with the everpresent sprinkling of toys!