Today was my last day. As is my nature I joked and laughed off any hint of seriousness because I like to make people feel comfortable, I don’t want them fretting over me.
I cleaned my room for a few hours after our staff meeting then went to pick up my children from daycare. As I got them buckled in all the emotion of the day hit me and I found myself crying like a baby in the driver’s seat. After the initial surge died down I pulled away from the building.
I was emotional about my kids leaving a place they are loved and growing. I was worried my son will miss out and be upset when he doesn’t see his best friend everyday. I was scared I would fail them and not be all the mom they need but now I wouldn’t have the excuse of work to make me feel better about my shortcomings.
I realized thought as I sifted through my emotions letting the superficial, the fear driven and the irrational fall that the source of the sudden tears was not my kids needs but my own.
Three years ago when I started working at a christian classical school I had no idea the amazing, inspiring people I would be working alongside everyday. I had no idea how much they would teach me, challenge me or encourage me. I could never have fathomed the number of laughs we would fit into each day.
Many of the women have kids my age and the ones that don’t I am closer in age to their children than I am to them. Yet it was here with this hilarious group of intelligent, christ loving women that I entered into sisterhood. For the first time in my adult life I had friends I could talk to about anything knowing their advice would be sound, their prayers faithful and their hearts loving. I have always felt out of step with women, especially women my own age, often finding it difficult to relate to them. I had truly begun to believe I wasn’t good at making friends, that some essential element of female relationship building was missing from my personality. It wasn’t. I became true friends with every single woman (and man) that I work with, sharing secrets, inside jokes and advice.
I am so thankful God has called me to be at home right now but I will miss those special women and the unique work environment I have been privileged to experience. Sometimes it is hard to give up a good thing even knowing it is for the best.
I am going to miss these amazing women but I know the Lord will keep us close 🙂