All those “cute” sayings that insinuate women need to be the focus of a marriage (or men) are pretty harmful ideas about relationships so i’d like to share a few things that have actually helped in my own marriage.
I’m celebrating seven years of marriage today. I have a stinkin awesome husband but I think the reason our marriage works so well has little to do with either of us, in fact I think the reason our marriage works so well is neither of us think it’s about us!
Marriage isn’t about one or both of us being happy. Are we happy? Absolutely! Is that the purpose of our marriage though?
We have recognized some truths that spare of us from so many of the relationship pitfalls many of our friends and loved ones face.
Disclaimer* We are not perfect or walking around on rainbows while music plays from the clouds and we are not happy every minute of everyday, I am in no way qualified to speak on marriage but in our 7 years we have gleaned countless wise pieces of advice from a number of sources so why not put them together for people with even less experience than me! (Or people with more who haven’t encountered this awesome advice.)
1. God must be the center. Everything in the world is temporary, save God, if you are both walking toward God then you will also always be drawing closer together. “Drifting apart” or feeling “disconnected” can’t happen.
2. Marriage is a tool to sanctify us, not make us deliriously happy all day long. I LOVE my house, I love being home but if someone told me I was going to Disney World and took me to my house I would be disappointed. Given the choice to live in my house or Disney though it’s hands down, I want to be home. Marriage is my home, I went into expecting the work and upkeep that comes with maintaining a home not the expectations of nonstop entertainment, catering and excitement that comes with Disney and because of it I get to thoroughly enjoy each day of it.
3. Failure is not an option, we took time before we got married (premarital counseling, I highly recommend it ya’ll) to make sure we were ready then we got married THEN we stayed married for a few years before we decided to have kids. Waiting gave us time to adjust to life as a unit, work out our communication, and get to do all the fun spontaneous things you can do before kids like spur of the moment travel 🙂
4. Get up everyday and make the choice not just to love your spouse but to show it through actions. (And when you simply can’t at least apologize so they know you tried!) We are always trying to finish a project or chore for one another and it makes us both feel valued.
5. Don’t put so much emphasis in gifts and holidays. Women are really bad at this, they blow these things up in their minds then get let down/hurt/angry/etc. when the gifts/presentation/setting don’t meet their expectations. We like our holidays super low key, it takes the stress, pressure and expense out of celebrating! We like to get each other little just because surprises frequently instead (I might buy a favorite snack for his work bag or he might pick me up a sweet tea and bring it to home or work for me).
So many people have told/shown us so many wonderful things to do over the years but these are a few of my favorites I thought I’d share.